What exactly is my relationship with autumn? I am just one of the countless Haku
July 12, 2025
What exactly is my relationship with autumn? I am just one of the countless Hakuouki fans she has talked to, simply someone who really likes Kazama Chikage, nothing special. That’s all the explanation you need.
Apart from Kazama Chikage, I have nothing in common with her.
She is the one who saved me when I was in the most pain and left me when I needed her the most.
I thank her, understand her, and respect all her choices. That’s all.
This is the situation I want to express about the “silent one caught in the cracks”: trapped in a dead end, unnoticed both in reality and online. Unfortunately, the woman I once stood up for and considered a good friend clearly doesn’t see it that way. She trimmed down my heavy theories and experiences and fitted them onto a flat character I once criticized—you all know who I’m talking about. Not mentioning her name doesn’t mean I’m afraid of her, but stems from deep disgust and aversion. It’s no exaggeration to say that all the works she has published since last November bear traces of me to some extent—either a long comment I wrote for her with care but never got a reply, or the Medea-inspired tragic elements I generously gave her that she turned into a vulgar, happy-ending reconciliation story, or certain writing styles from my own articles that she imitated. Even now, she uses my material and borrows my struggles to paint herself as a peaceful, creation-loving good person, a gentle and focused creator who possesses a “quiet power of resistance” in the face of adversity, a victim striving to survive—even though she actually did nothing. I don’t specify details or leave comments or likes for her, but that doesn’t mean I’m unaware of anything. Yet all she thinks about is—“She deleted me first, I won’t be friends with her anymore, I must get revenge.” But from start to finish, she never understood me, nor could she bear my depth and weight. She doesn’t dare admit that she was actually the one who benefited more from this relationship.
The so-called “understanding” is a power of judgment: I know you retreat, I know you evade, I know you cannot bear my weight, so I let you go. But don’t come any closer. I understand you because I’ve already walked through everything you’re still afraid to look at.
Her post subtly criticized my resistance as being too loud, while praising Yukimura Chizuru’s “restraint” as worthy of praise, proving that she doesn’t understand me at all.
从今往后，我便与她无关。
我不再从他们的账号里寻找我。 我在我自己的文字里，在狐狸的拥抱里，在狗子的沉默注视里。 我已经回家了。