🎤 Fake Interview: “I’m Not a Hypocrite, I’m Just Me”

Reporter: Ladyyomi, do you think “mistaking someone’s identity” is wrong? Ladyyomi: Wrong? I can mistake you for someone else — or pretend to — and then tell everyone you = another person. Reporter: And the other person can’t object? Ladyyomi: Of course not! If you talk back, if you keep bringing it up, you’re harassing me! You’re stalking me! You’re DARVO!

Reporter: But you say you hate hatred and stalking the most. Ladyyomi: Exactly! That’s why I’ll write a ten-thousand-word Google Doc cursing her, rant non-stop about her on Tumblr, DeviantArt, and Cara, and even report her brand-new Bluesky account.

Reporter: Why report her Bluesky account? Did she say anything insulting? Any personal attacks? Ladyyomi: No, but I just don’t like her. She keeps talking on Bluesky about things I’ve done — and that’s exactly why I want to destroy her. I have severe autism and I don’t want to see these things, but she keeps ignoring my wishes, bypassing my blocks, and shouting at me from afar to get my attention — oh, she really is a pathetic little worm, jealous of my talent and popularity. The fake progressive woman claims Chizuru is a reproductive tool, oh, my poor Chizuru … Worst of all, she dares to curse my LGBT OCs, what a homophobic bastard.

Reporter: … Audience: [chuckles in disbelief]

Ladyyomi suddenly screams: “She’s a bastard! An AI-using bastard! AI can fabricate lies, and since she likes using AI, she’s fake as a whole! Her values are corrupted! Don’t you get it?! I am the great, wise, human artist! Support me — I am justice, I am the truth, I am the eternal legend!”

Audience: [uproarious laughter, some slow clapping]

Postscript — Reality Edition: The real-life audience gave no reaction. No laughter, no boos, not even a gasp. Just the dull hum of people too deaf, too blind, or too comfortable to notice the circus on stage. A masterpiece of absurdity wasted on an empty room.